The Sunday Chronicles

(AP) Vienna, Austria.  Earlier this week Beethoven’s body and medical records were exhumed and analyzed.  The team of doctors and scientists were aghast at the discovery of his earliest echocardiogram, which they believe dates back to his preschool days.  It became clear, from this precocious age, that Beethoven’s talents were largely driven by a unique valvulopathy.  “Listen closely to the Doppler portion of the study,” said the team cardiologist, “and you can clearly make out a 5th heart sound.”

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